It never hurts to have a partner-in-crime or, as I like to call it, a ride-or-die. An individual who is crazy enough to stand toe-to-toe with you, walk beside you in the fire, and pull a Thelma and Louise with you right off the Grand Canyon when the shits hits the fan.
We all need someone we can vent to. Anger and frustration need an outlet before they cause you to erupt like a volcano, spewing your hot magma down at the peasants below.
Because let's face it, unless you're Dexter, who seems to have his shit down, murder is a rather time-consuming and messy business. There's blood, bodily fluids, and, of course, the corpse. And if you've turned your outburst into a spree, you must stay one step ahead of the police, true crime investigators, and your stalker or die-hard fan. Murderers have fans; life doesn't make sense.
GREATER THAN THE SUM OF YOUR PARTS
A partnership is a delicate balance, even more so when you're a murderous pair. Duos are often defined as a rotten egg that coerces a good egg, a dark soul that finds and releases another dark soul, or just two messed up individuals that found each other by the grace of Hell. I love you, my moon sister.
You balance each other out, pick up each other's slack, and accept each other's weaknesses. I know my sister will be doing the driving, and she knows I calculate every scenario. She can't plan, and my record with driving (and jumping in the wrong seat at the time of a very important boot heist) isn't stellar.
The important thing is you each bring something to the table, and if you can learn to play to your strengths, then who knows the havoc you can create.
SHARE THE GLORY
You're in the headlines now. Fame, fortune, and glory are all yours. Well, half yours. Smile for your front page photo. The key to a good partnership is to allow the other person to be themself.
So if my sister suddenly erupts at the fast food worker who messed up her burger for the fifth time, then I offer her my shoulder and shoot my pistol into the ceiling, saying, "You're going to give her a fresh burger and a free large fry for her trouble, or all hell is going to break loose."
The murder spree you've been on has been both liberating and an adventure. Your partnership is 50/50, meaning there is enough glory and criminal charges for each of you. Don't turn on each other now. That's what The Man wants.
BLAZE OF GLORY
How you go out is just as important as the terror and chaos you create with your partner doing your murder spree. Make your exit spectacular, something that will capture and entertain the masses. After all, they are the ones you want to keep talking.
Have a high-speed car chase or steal a nightly news broadcast and make promises of live executions. People can't turn away. Human nature is both beautiful and unsettling. Be front page news.
"Duo caught after ripping through four different states on a murder spree. When caught, both women kept screaming Heidi Klum." (No, Heidi, we are not coming for you, but you're our code word. It just happened that way; be proud.)
Anger clouds the mind and judgment. You need to have an outlet. I play out vicious and deadly scenarios in my mind, and some of that spills onto the paper or screen for you to read. Why are we told it's okay to imagine being a princess and prince but not the villain who happens to be in every story? Be the villain. DO NOT KILL PEOPLE. However, what you do to them in the privacy of your own mind is your business. You can get your satisfaction and replay the scene to see what making different choices is like. It could be like a game of Clue, and it's always better when played with a friend.
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